So here I am at a major crossroad in my life. Path 1 or 2. Path one is a great path right through the sun but it really takes you no where. Path two is a little rough and bumpy but the views are spectacular and if you make it to the end you might just find happily ever after, you might just find another path though because its very complex.
I hide in the fear that I am doing this all wrong, am i painting a pretty picture over the ugly truth. I really in my heart love him, but is it enough? Can I overcome even my own reservations and triumph this love story or is this more of a tragedy? I try so hard really. I put everything but that last drop or two into the pot but is that the missing ingredient. I feel like I am right about this one though. How can you love someone so much and resent them for it, whose fault is it really?
He gave up everything to save nothing, so what does it mean that you will give up nothing to save everything? What does that say about me? Does that mean that I am worthless or worth-more?
If I could have one thing back it would be that first moment of betrayal, the simple moment of jest that turned dark and ugly. I am sorry for the things I have said. Why do we do those things. it is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in want of love will ruin it all at the very first chance with the simplest of untruths. A white lie that has festered deep inside, I have partly owned it, but only partly. Tomorrow I will own it completely. So close to the edge I think I am going to whisper it as I jump. I didn't mean it, its quite the opposite. I don't even care about the past and what it brought but somehow that familiar banter carves its cravings into my heart. Am I like her? Do i breathe lusty hatred as my second language? Have you pushed me to feel this way. i am his only when hes at rock bottom what does that say about him and I? I think I can fix him, my problem is that I genuinely care. How do you shut it off? i never learned that, I never learned to hate him, even after what he has done to me and how he has humiliated me. Do I confront you or disappear, whose turn is it? I think in this act it is my turn to get the upper hand, only to realize we both have made the same choice. Two wrongs don't make a right, and one of us always breaks down first completing the chain of self loathing. I finally said the truth trying to cancel the debt, it is still not enough though. They know and it dangles above me.I want you forever. So i delete him today and work on th rest of our lives, I wont need closure because my story only really began with you.
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